


Internal Monologue

by Bajada



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bajada/pseuds/Bajada
Summary: A poem I wrote based off my own internal monologue, which I feel often mirrors Dean Winchester's quite closely. There is no explicit reference to whom this poem is about, so please, read it with an open mind and allow it to move you however you see fit.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 3





	Internal Monologue

I fight against the demons that are creeping in my head.  
Their voices keep me tossing, turning, sweating in my bed.  
Reminding me of failures and of people I have lost.  
Unable now to save them though I would at any cost.

I push away the memories, drown my feelings down within.  
Resistance to the bottle is a fight I'll never win.  
With every waking breath I try to keep my thoughts in line.  
Despite what others say it gets no easier with time.

Does wanting more from life mean every second has to count?  
Or can I simply wonder what it's like to be without?  
No fear, no pain, no questioning if what I do's enough.  
So I can say "I'm fine" and not be called out on my bluff.

The anger that I feel, it chews and eats at my insides.  
A beast I cannot kill and in my bones it now resides.  
I hate myself for every little pain I put him through.  
But every time he got too close, my feelings I withdrew.

Now even Holy water cannot cleanse me of my sins.  
The darkened road I've traveled never bending to my whims.  
I fight against the hope that's burning deeper in my veins.  
But when his light surrounds me I feel nothing more than shame.

The Heavens, Hell, and Earth could never keep him from my side.  
Lord knows the angels, monsters, God, and darkness all have tried.  
And even through it all he will still answer all my prayers.  
The angel in my dreams, in spite of everything, still cares.

He tells me that I'm stupid and no doubt I know he's right.  
His presence brings me comfort through the fear that comes with night.  
And even though I am adrift, a lost soul out at sea.  
My angel brings me home again, he's all I'll ever need.

But smoke and fire break like waves across my damaged heart.  
Burning black the edges, keeping both of us apart.  
I hope once more for silence to take root inside my head.  
But all that I can see is what I'll lose once I am dead.

A glimpse of moments left undone, the words I could not find.  
The phrases ringing in my ears run circles 'round my mind.  
And when my story has been told, my final legacy.  
My angel still will fly above, watching over me.


End file.
